Life for us has become so much more interesting since Thing 3 came into the picture. It seems when things get chaotic, they get really out of control, ridiculous chaotic. That was how our outing went today. Don’t get me wrong, there are times when we go out I am certain I could handle two or three more. Then there are days like today….
We needed to run two errands this afternoon. It should have only taken about an hour. I should have known this trip was destined to be a disaster because no one, not even Thing 3, took a nap today. Despite my seasoned mommy gut feeling, we take off. We head to Cavender’s (aka the cowboy store) first to look at boots and shirts. Tomorrow is Western day at school. Miss Priss has outgrown everything she has. We all go inside. I have the baby and Thing 1, Paul has Thing 2. Thing 1, Thing 3 and I go straight to the boots and shirts. I don’t even look back to see where the man and Thing 2 have gone. I figure he has it under control. She starts trying on shirts and boots. We “ooohh” and “ahhh” over all the “sparklies” on the shirts. I begin to smell something. I ignore the smell and continue helping Thing 1. I realize the man has lost total control of Thing 2 and he is running as fast as he can around the store. I mean full speed people. We call him Flash at home because all you see is the streaks of color from his clothes running past you. I look over just in time to see Flash run smack into one of the wooden clothes stands. He went down hard. I look at him, you could almost see the stars around his head. I asked him if he was ok; he says yes and immediately grabs his daddy’s hand as if to say he was done horsing around and ready to obey. (Ya’ll, I am laughing out loud while replaying this scene.) Anyway, we finally decide on a pair of boots and shirt. The smell is just foul by now. I mean downright sour. As I try to find the man and Flash I make my way to the register. I am so scared to look down. My hand feels wet by now. Thing 3 is as happy as can be, which makes me all the more nervous. We pay. We go to the car. I look down for the first time and I have poop all over my hand. He had a full on blow out. It was SO nasty. We, being the seasoned parents of three, never thought to bring a change of clothes for this kid. Big mistake. We clean him up and head on out to the next store. Meanwhile I am sick to my stomach because even though I wiped my hand off with a baby wipe there was no sink nearby for me to wash up.
We make it to the next store. A sports store to pick up Thing 1’s soccer shorts. Immediately Thing 2 is off again not holding hands. Thing 1 is obeying. Thing 3 starts to get fussy. It should have been a simple in and out stop for some reason it took 45minutes. By this time Thing 1 has found a hot pink water bottle that she HAS TO HAVE. I tell her no. She makes her case about why we need this particular water bottle, and by the way, “Mom, it’s only $8!” No means no. Let’s get to the car. By the time we make it to the car she is wailing. She is willing to give up her cowboy boots and shirt for this hot pink water bottle and doesn’t understand why we won’t trade. Thing 3 is screaming at the very top of his lungs because he HATES the car. Thing 2 is upset because he can’t hear Toy Story 2 playing over all the crying going on in the car. I ask the man to take us home. “No honey, we can make it to one more store.” I bite my tongue even though I know for a fact they are all D.O.N.E. We keep driving.
We finally make it to the next sports store. We have now been gone for 2 hours. I immediately get in the third row of the van and start feeding Thing 3 his bottle. Thing 2 is now telling me I have hurt her heart for not allowing her to trade her new boots and shirt for an $8 water bottle. Thing 2 is rearing to go like a wild stallion. You can see the wild look in his eyes. I tell the man to go in by himself with Thing 2 that I was going to keep Thing 1 and Thing 3 in the car. Feeding Thing 3 did not help the screaming. He was too tired to appreciate the bottle and settle down. Thing 1 is even more upset because I wouldn’t let her go inside and through the chaos I forgot to ask for the keys to the van (so I thought).
It seems like forever and he finally comes back to the car- empty handed AGAIN. I had just got Thing 1 and Thing 3 settled down. Then he just stands beside the van. I am wondering what he is expecting to happen- the doors of the van to magically open?! He doesn’t look inside and ask me to unlock the van, he just stands there, holding Thing 2. Finally I tell Thing 1 to go and unlock the doors. Well, it doesn’t work because the van was locked with the car keys. You can’t unlock a van from the inside if they were locked on the outside. I am frustrated now because all of this moving around has woken up Thing 3 and he is M.A.D. Finally I tell Thing 1 to just unlock the door. The alarm goes off and the van’s locks start wigging out. This puts Thing 1 in a tailspin and I start breaking a sweat. I try, the same thing happens. Finally I yell at the man- “USE YOUR KEYS!!” He screams back, “You have them!” I scream back, “No I don’t!! Check your pockets.” By now, a crowd of concerned onlookers is beginning to form outside the van. Thing 2 is on the verge of tears, Thing 1 has retreated to the back of the van and Thing 3 is screaming so hard is face is red and I am now pouring buckets of sweat. He checks, nothing. My mind is racing with the thought of we are trapped. I go back to my seat I start searching… find the keys and unlock the door. People, I had NO recollection of him handing me the keys, or of me locking the van after he left. That shows you just how chaotic it really was at that moment. All the way home we are “civilly discussing” why it got so out of control. Finally deciding not to talk because we couldn’t hear each other over the chorus of crying in the back.
We get home, Thing 3 goes to bed and Thing 1 and 2 are perfect angels. How does this happen?!
Simple trips do not exist anymore. It does take a full hour to get out the door now. We can no longer talk in the van because we have a child that hates the car. But I love my life! I love our chaos and I love that even an hour after this has all happened I am laughing hysterically as I think about how one simple outing turned into a huge blog post about the wonderful messiness of our day. Having three did change it all and it is so much more interesting now 🙂 And I wouldn’t trade it for anything . . .